


Though Near or Far

by SunflowerSpideyy



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [5]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29221971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunflowerSpideyy/pseuds/SunflowerSpideyy
Summary: Peter makes a deal with the Infinity Stones to exchange his life for Tony's, ensuring he's completely erased from his family's minds in the process so that they never have to suffer the grief that he's felt in the time since the snap.Febuwhump Day 5: Take Me Instead
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139171
Comments: 22
Kudos: 233





	Though Near or Far

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody! 
> 
> As promised- more angst! I hope you guys enjoy! 
> 
> Content Warning/ CW // For: Panic attacks, discussions of death, and grief
> 
> As always, please leave a comment if I missed anything you'd like me to mention at the start!

After the bite, the one silver lining in the midst of the cacophony of stimuli overwhelming his senses, was that he could ground himself with the heartbeats radiating from the people he loved.

May's heartbeat was quick and light, her effortless energy meaning her heart was always a second ahead of anyone else in the room.

Ned's fluctuated moment to moment, his usual even rhythm springing to a faster pace whenever his eyes lit up in excitement.

MJ's was always soft and steady, consistent yet quiet, and so uniquely her.

Tony had an unusual heartbeat.

So unusual, that Peter could tell the second his mentor entered the room without even having to turn around- much to Tony's utter puzzlement. The rhythm was never the same twice- going from quick and jumpy to measured and strong sometimes within an afternoon. But the one aspect so unique that it allowed Peter to latch onto Tony's heartbeat, no matter how big the crowd, was the slight waver at the end of each beat.

For all the days he spent at the compound, standing at Tony's side as they worked in the lab or lounging next to him on the couch during movie night- Peter didn't hear it at first. It was only after he woke up on the couch- still feeling as if the rubble of the warehouse was sitting heavily against his chest- and surged forward into Tony's waiting and open arms that he'd hear it- the slight falter that occurred the millisecond before the small pause between beats.

Tony couldn't feel it himself, but he found it endearing how Peter's head would instinctively rest against his heart when they cuddled on movie night.

Ben's heartbeat had been slower, with each beat landing firm and unwavering.

_ The moment that steadfast rhythm started to weaken, Peter knew he was losing his Uncle Ben. _

_ And four years later, Peter had to stare into Tony's unfocused eyes as he heard the familiar flutter- and then silence. _

**

May's mouth was moving as she walked closer to him, doing her best to stay balanced as she walked over the leaf covered ground in heels- and he tugged his headphones off as she stopped in front of him.

The music continued to blare through the earpieces as they sat around Peter's neck, and May glanced at them before giving him a disapproving frown. 

"Sweetheart...you're going to ruin your hearing that way," she said softly, and Peter rolled his eyes.

"Good,"

The headphones barely left his ears anymore, the music as loud as he could physically stand. His senses didn't appreciate it, as evidenced by the nearly perpetual throbbing pain in his temples nowadays. But Peter bit his cheek and endured it because he'd  _ had it _ with his super hearing. He’d had it with how his walk to school had become absolute torture, the loud bangs and crashes from the street construction giving him heart palpitations- feeling as if he was transported back to the decimated landscape where the compound once stood, explosions and gunfire all around him. 

But most of all, he was done with knowing exactly what each of his loved ones' hearts sounds like, and done being able to hear the exact second he lost them- the silence that followed etched into his brain forever.

The music was something Peter could focus on, something that was neutral. Something to drown out the thoughts that sent him down an anxious spiral whenever there was quiet.

"Pepper invited everyone inside to talk for awhile- you know, to share stories- _ remember,"  _ May said gently, reaching out to run a gentle hand through his hair.

There hadn't been many people who came to mourn Ben. A childhood friend, May's sister and brother-in-law, a couple of his coworkers- and honestly Peter much preferred it to  _ this. _ Him and May had been able to grieve Ben in their own way, surrounded by people who'd  _ loved _ him.

Peter knows he should be honored that Tony lived a life so important that it drew such a large crowd- all of them being people that his life had brought together and touched.  _ But they didn't know Tony.  _ Half the people who stood around Peter as they pushed the wreath into the water had barely said two words to Tony when he was alive- never mind love him. And even out of the ones who did spend time with him, those who might've considered him a friend- did they truly know him either? 

"You wanna go inside? I think it would be good for you sweetheart," May said, cupping his cheek for a moment before lowering her hand again. "And I hear Morgan's been pretty anxious to meet you,"

"You go ahead," Peter replied looking down at his phone to try to distract himself from the guilt that was making his stomach turn.

In between the service and the final sendoff Pepper had taken him aside, telling him how much Tony had missed him, and that he agreed to get the stones back because once he’d finally cracked the code of time travel, he wouldn't have been able to live the rest of his life knowing he didn't do everything he could to get Peter back. 

And he knew Pepper was trying to be nice- trying to make sure Peter knew how much he truly meant to Tony- completely unaware that the worst parts of Peter's psyche were going to twist his words into a refrain that hasn't stopped running through his brain since.

_ Tony died to bring you back Tony died to save you Tony died and it's your fault _

"Ok Peter, you know where I'll be if you change your mind," May sighed sadly, turning and walking over to where Happy was waiting with his arm extended out for her.

Sliding his headphones back on, Peter let one more song play before turning back towards the house, his eyes landing on the little shed that stood at the edge of the woods. His feet had started moving before he'd even decided to go look, shooting a quick glance towards the house to make sure no one was paying attention to him.

It wasn't anything special on the outside, but he figured that was on purpose, as he overheard Happy asking if there was anything he should get anything from the lab, vaguely gesturing towards this building. Peter was almost surprised as the door swung open easily, but maybe Pepper figured they didn't really need to bother with locks when there were over thirty of the greatest superheroes in the world on the property. 

Slipping his headphones off, Dum-e's happy chirps met his ears right away, and he smiled as the robot wheeled over as fast as he could- his little claw butting against Peter's side as U followed close behind.

"Hey guys," he said through the first genuine laugh he'd had in weeks. "Woah there, easy easy," A chorus of excited beeping came in reply, and Peter reached out to gently pet the both of them. "I missed you guys too,"

His eyes swept over the lab, and almost couldn't believe how similar it was to Tony's lab at the compound, down to the red, white, and blue Iron Man 'Hope' poster that Tony refused to get rid of even though it seemed to be a point of irritation for Pepper.

Dum-e and U whirred quietly as they followed behind him, and every now and again he'd feel a claw gently bump against his shoulder- like they were checking if he was real.

There was a table on the left side of the room that Peter knew was Tony's even before he noticed the half finished armor upgrades lying there. His mentor had a way of laying out his tools that made absolutely no sense to anybody but him- and Peter, eventually. But there was another table to the side of that, one that was completely empty except for an open briefcase sitting atop it. He peeked around the table to see what was inside, Dum-e slamming into his back as he froze- the infinity stones staring back at him.

A soft hum emanated from them as Peter took a tentative step closer, while still keeping a safe distance. He hadn't fully understood what the stones were about when they were on titan, and there wasn't really a good time to ask once he’d come back- and well, now the moment had definitively passed. All six stones had been slotted into indented pockets, ready for Steve to close up the briefcase and bring them back to wherever they belong.

Peter looked over his shoulder, Dum-e and U mirroring the motion behind him, before taking a step closer to the table. Vaguely, he remembered somebody saying that the 'original' stones were destroyed after Thanos and the ones sitting in front of him now were from alternate timelines- but Tony had used the stones to reverse what the Titan had done- and yet here they were.

So, theoretically, he could use them to bring Tony back without destroying them in the process...right?

U let out a concerned whine as Peter reached out for the suitcase, pressing his palms against the metal inside, framing the stones between his hands without getting too close. They were clearly giving off some kind of energy, so, maybe if he just got close enough he could tap into them?

A sigh left his lips, before closing his eyes, trying to direct all his energy into his fingertips. It felt a little ridiculous, but what did he have to lose? If nothing happened he could just retract his hands and walk back outside-  _ but at least he would know there was nothing else he could've done. _

_ Please, take me instead. Bring Tony back- please. _

Almost immediately his head started to swim, the world around him blurring slightly as he felt a slight buzzing at the edge of his consciousness.

**_'You are a kind soul- as was your father'._ ** _ A voice said softly, as the edge of his vision turned orange. _

_ Uh- thanks? _

_ An airy chuckle sounded from the same voice.  _ **_'Perhaps if more beings shared your heart, the universe would be a very different place'_ ** _ , it mused.  _ **_'We will enact what you ask for'_ ** _. _

_ I don't really know how this works- if I only get one wish or something- but, could you make it so they don't remember me? I don't want May to know her only family is gone and- I don't want Tony to feel guilty anymore. He deserves to be happy. _

**_'This seems quite unfair to yourself'_ ** _. Another voice observed, and his vision tinged with red. _

_ The world needs Tony more than it needs me. And I don't want to have to put them through what I've felt since he- _

**_'Very well'_ ** _ , the second voice said evenly.  _ **_'However, I propose an addendum to your request'_ ** _. _

_ I figured there must be some kind of catch _

_ Another laugh.  _ **_'Not a catch- an opportunity. Your family's memory will indeed be altered. However, if any one of them can break through our tampering and remember you once more- we will grant you your life back'_ ** _. A third voice explained, as a yellow flash streaked across his vision. _

_ T-thank you, but uh- why me? Isn't there normally a cost to these types of deals? Why give me a chance? _

**_'A worthy heart deserves to be rewarded'_ ** _ A fourth voice answered gently- flashes of green dancing in front of his eyes. _

_ The buzzing was getting louder, more colors kept exploding in front of his eyes- and then there was nothing. A blissful moment of silence, and his eyes slipped shut as if he was falling to sleep. _

************

Tony's eyes shot open to find himself lying flat on his back in the center of the lab floor, armor and arc reactor replaced with his MIT hoodie and slippers- immediately registering Dum-e and U beeping frantically on the other side of the room. His gaze shot down to his right arm, tugging the sleeve up frantically- but the skin beneath was perfectly unmarred.

"What the..." He murmured, Dum-e and U perking up at the sound of his voice and rolling over to him. "What did I do to deserve having you two be my first sight, huh?" They didn't even seem to register the teasing dig, continuing to chirp at him. "Alright, so this is going to be a fun conversation with Pepper," he muttered, dusting his pants off and heading out the lab door.

*********

_ She slammed the door in his face. _

Even through the heavy wood of the front door he could hear panicked yelling, and he sighed, taking a seat on one of the deck chairs.

A second later the door burst open, a fully uniformed Steve clamping a hand around his throat in the time it took to blink. "What the hell are you?" he growled, as Carol and Strange stepped out onto the porch, eyeing him warily.

"Uh-  _ Tony?" _ The man wheezed, struggling to take air in.

"Try again," The magic rings wound around Strange's arms as Carol narrowed her eyes.

"Hey- could you give me a little room to breathe here?" Tony grunted. "It's really me!"

Rhodey stepped out the door next, shielding a haunted looking Pepper behind him.

"Ok- ok, what can I say to prove it- uh, Pep- the first time I met your mom was the day you came to pick me up after the suit malfunctioned mid flight and I ended up taking a swan dive into the Washington Square Fountain- only you didn’t tell me her flight came in that day so when we got back to the tower-  _ there she was _ \- and I just had to roll with the fact that my first impression on your mother was made when I was in my grease stained Star Wars hoodie with a broken arm,”

Rhodey's jaw almost hit the floor, as Pepper's hand flew to her mouth, a wet sob leaving her lips. Ever so slowly, Steve took his arm away, disbelief in his eyes.

"Well we know he's not a skrull," Carol commented, and Tony shot her an indignant look.

"Look, I don't really know how I ended up here either, but I thought- I don't know,  _ saving the world _ would honestly get me a better reception than-" Tony didn't even get to finish his remark before Pepper was barreling forward, nearly knocking them both backwards with the force of her embrace.

"Oh my god- _oh my god-_ _Tony-"_ she sighed, as he pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

"Well, good to know I got a few more surprises left in me- I'd hate to be predictable,"

*********

"You shouldn't be here," Strange said simply as he stood beside Tony, who was waiting on the porch while Pepper tried to break this new development in a way Morgan could understand. Which was quite a feat considering they had some of the greatest minds in the world sitting in the kitchen- and  _ not one of them _ could figure out how Tony was standing in front of them.

"Wow, love you too there Doc,"

_ "I mean, _ by all laws of the universe, you shouldn't have been  _ allowed _ to come back. You used the gauntlet, you died- that's it. The stones shouldn't have been able to retroactively save your life two weeks after the fact,"

"Look, I've already told you everything I know, Bruce took a blood sample to confirm my DNA- what more do you want from me?"

"We're missing something.  _ Something _ happened that was the catalyst to bring you here, I just don't know what," Strange said, his brow pinched in confusion.

"Maybe it was just a delayed reaction? Maybe when I still had the stones I begged God to let me come home to my kids?"

Strange raised an eyebrow.

"-uh,  _ kid. _ Don't know why I added the 's'," Tony finished lamely.

"... _ Right- _ well, should we hear of a happy announcement in the near future I won't tell Pepper that you spilled the beans," 

" _ No _ \- no, no- nothing like that," Tony assured, giving a weary sigh. "God- I'd have a full head of gray hair within the year. Morgan may very well push me there all on her own,"

Almost on cue, a high pitched scream sounded, tiny footsteps echoing from inside the house.

"Well, in any case, welcome back Stark," Strange said softly, as the door burst open, Morgan immediately leaping into her Dad's arms.

**********

May walked up to the counter, skirting around the other patrons waiting for their food.

"Order 24 please, it's under Parker," she said, as the server turned around and grabbed the plastic bag at the end of the table.

"Here we go- two orders of Larb. Enjoy!"

_ Two? Why would she order two? Happy wasn't coming over that night. _

"That's odd," she mused, before shrugging and walking out of the restaurant. At least now there’s extra leftovers for tomorrow.

***********

Pepper glanced at her watch before rolling her eyes, her gaze falling back to the front entrance of Macy's. "Now  _ what _ did you see that was so important that you're nearly making us late to pick up Morgan?" She called as Tony approached her, shopping back in hand.

She swore she felt a little bit of her soul leave her as he lifted up Hello Kitty lounge pants.

"You have  _ got _ to be kidding me," she said, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

"What? I don't know- I just wanted them for some reason," Tony replied a sheepish smile on his face.

"Congratulations, you just summed up your whole life in a single sentence," Pepper deadpanned, putting a hand on his back and gently pushing him forward. "Let's go mister- if we leave  _ right now _ we might able to make it to the school on time without risking a traffic violation,"

*********

"So- you ever heard of Delmar's?" Happy asked, holding up a plastic takeout bag.

"You are a lifesaver," Tony sighed, giving Happy a one armed hug before grabbing one of the sandwiches.

"I just passed it on the way over here, and I knew you were going to be in meetings until late- so I figured, why not right?"

"Hey, this is pretty good," Tony said around a mouthful of food, and Happy nodded.

"I grabbed you the number 5- somebody told me that was the best one, but I got no idea who it was," 

********

"That'll be $34.98 ma'am," The cashier said as she bagged the last items.

May's eyes landed on the poster hanging on the wall behind the girl's shoulder.

_ New York Academic Decathlon Championship _

_ Midtown School of Technology vs. Bronx High School of Science _

_ June 12th @ 7PM- Hilton Hotel Midtown _

"Ma'am?" The cashier tried again, and May snapped to attention, blushing slightly.

"Oh I'm so sorry- I got distracted by that poster there," May said as she dug through her purse for her debit card. "Are you on the team?"

"Yeah- my friend is too, but he's not on today," the girl explained as May swiped her card. "I made him put the poster up just so he won't space out and forget to show up,"

"Well I wish you lots of luck tomorrow, I’m sure you’re gonna do great," May said cheerfully as the girl handed her the bag. 

***********

Tony sat at his workbench, letting out a frustrated sigh as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Guys, come on- I know you missed me, and you want to catch me up on everything, but I've been back for three months now- and every time I come in here all you do is beep at me. The whole time," Dum-e let out a sad whine, his claw drooping slightly. "Hey hey hey, don't be like that- I just cant hear myself think buddy,"

Both of the robots moved their arms up and down, and the room fell into a silence that was sort of eerie after weeks on end of beeps and chirps.

The silence also meant that when U's claw practically punched a box off the shelves above his tool chest, it sounded like an avalanche- Tony nearly jumping off his chair in surprise. "So you guys are just throwing my stuff around now huh? Jesus Christ," he muttered as he stood up, walking over to where the box had hit the floor. "Oh  _ great," _

_ Of course _ it had to be the box containing Morgan's Lego collection, the individual blocks now scattered all over the floor.

A sharp pain throbbed in Tony's knees as he bent down to start the impromptu game of 52 pick up, grabbing one of the pieces in his hand, about to throw it back into the box when-

_ Peter. _

**_Peter._ **

Tony almost fell over, his heart kicking into gear as he scrambled up from his position on the floor, bursting through the garage doors. "Pepper!  _ Pepper!" _ He screamed, but she was already way ahead of him, sprinting across the lawn in her bare feet and bathrobe.

"Tony- Tony, I know, it's-"

_ "Peter," _ he finished, his throat constricting slightly as he said his kid's name.

"Mommy? The phone's ringing!" Morgan yelled from the doorway, completely oblivious to her parent’s panic. 

"Oh my god- that's probably May," Pepper sighed and she ran back inside, Tony hot on her heels. He couldn't make out much, outside of the hysterical tone of May's voice, and Tony braced himself against the couch, hoping it would stop his head from spinning.

"May- May, we're in the same place you are ok? But we're going to figure this out, or we're going to find someone who can, I promise you. Go call Happy, you shouldn't be alone right now, alright? Ok May, I'll call you if we find anything," Pepper said gently, hanging up the phone and taking a deep breath.

"I forgot my kid Pep," Tony said softly. "For three months, just-  _ nothing. _ It was like he didn't even exist," Pepper reached out and guided Tony's head against her shoulder, one hand gently carding through his hair. That was the one thing that he'd been so afraid of during those five years, the one thing he worked so hard to ensure never happened-  _ they forgot Peter. "Pepper- how did we not know?" _

"I wish I knew honey," she said quietly, as he pulled away from her- starting to pace next to the couch.

"I mean- where was he when you last saw him?"

"I don't know, we invited everybody inside to sit and chat after...and- and May said he wanted to stay outside, the poor thing was too upset to come in. And that was it- no loud noises, no yelling, no nothing. About fifteen minutes later I was putting the hors d'oeuvres on the table, and then you showed up at the door,"

At her words Tony stopped pacing so fast the accent rug bunched up beneath his feet, and he turned to his wife with terrified eyes. "You don't think-" he said, and the tears that welled in Pepper's eyes were enough of an answer. "No-  _ no no no _ , Pep- that can't be-  _ I have to be wrong _ \- I have to,"

"I had Happy grab some extra chairs out of the garage- I don't think he thought to lock the door again, and the stones were right there- he could've-  _ oh Tony," _

He was going to be sick.

Tony staggered out the front door, completely deaf to Pepper's cries of worry as he fell to his knees in the grass, one hand pressed tightly over his mouth. He could feel Pepper's hands on his shoulders and he leaned into her heavily, tears sliding down his cheeks. "Pep- I don't think I can live with myself if Peter sacrificed himself for me," Tony said softly, his eyes closing as Pepper pressed a kiss to the side of his head.  _ "I can't do this again," _

"Oh honey, I know, I know," There was a hand on his elbow. "Come on- let's get you inside,"

Tony lets himself be led up the stairs and into his bedroom, mindlessly getting under the covers even though he was still in his T-shirt and jeans.

He feels numb.

_ Peter's gone. _ The kid he'd risked everything for, because he couldn't live without him.

Gone. No getting him back this time.

_ And it was all his fault. _

********

"Mommy- Mommy," Morgan's tiny voice cut through the silence.

"Hey Mo, do you need something pumpkin?" Pepper replied, her voice groggy.

"Petey's outside Mommy- should I tell him to come in so Daddy isn't sad anymore?"

At first, he'd almost outright forbid Morgan from naming her imaginary friend 'Peter', every "Daddy, come here- Petey and I are having a tea party" or "Mommy, can Petey and I go outside and look at Gerald?" nearly sending him to tears.

But the more time passed the less it hurt, and the more Tony thought it was a fitting way to keep Peter's memory alive- a way to still make him a part of the family somehow. And he'd never admit it, but he liked to imagine Peter really was there and watching over his little sister, even if Tony couldn't see him.

_ Now _ it was enough to send him into a panic attack- the weight of the grief settling on his chest with a vice grip.

"Not tonight munchkin- go back to bed alright Mo?" Pepper said, desperate to get Morgan out of the room before Tony's panic attack hit in full. "Honey? Tony- honey, I need you to breathe alright?" She said softly, rubbing a hand up and down his back. "Everything's going to be alright, I promise you,"

Tony shook his head.

_ There was no moving on from this. Peter was gone. And it’s going to haunt him until his last breath.  _

*******

The cool wood was grounding against his feet as Tony crept down the stairs, holding tight to the railing for support. The sun was just about to rise, the sky a light purple just above the water, and Tony opened the front door desperately needing some fresh air.

No matter how hard he tried, sleep wouldn't come to him, instead he was treated with a vision of Peter's tearstained face practically engraved on the back of his eyelids.

_ "We won Mr. Stark- you did it sir, you did it,"  _ There was a tremble in his voice. Peter was scared- he'd just lived through a war- he was watching Tony die. But yet- his kid, with his selfless, beautiful soul, was trying to comfort  _ him. _ To make sure Tony knew everyone was going to be ok.

_ "I'm sorry Tony," _

_ Why did it always have to be those words? Why was that the last words of Peter Parker- twice over? _

In hindsight, he should've known that Peter would pull something like this. To so blatantly disregard his own life for the sake of Tony's. The kid was willing to take on  _ Captain America _ for him within hours of their meeting, dangled off the side of a plane just to stop Tony's tech from getting into the wrong hands, and jumped on an alien spaceship without a second thought because he wasn't letting Tony go up there alone.

A sob left his lips.

He knew Peter was too good for him. That pure heart had no business being anywhere near his own influence. He'd known it from the very first time that the kid had come to visit the lab, and he'd always figured that fact would catch up to them in some way, and Peter would leave- but  _ God _ he didn't think it would be like this.

The porch curved around the side of the house, and Tony slowly walked around the corner to the side facing the water, staring at the red circular hammock chair attached to the awning that hardly anyone sat in. Morgan did sometimes, but her preferred spot was directly on top of wherever her parents were sitting- leaving it mostly empty. He’d bought the day after they officially moved to the lake house- Pepper had given him a knowing look as he brought the box to the register, a little hint of sadness in her eyes before turning away. And when they sat outside on a warm night, gazing up at the stars, Tony couldn't decide if the vacant chair was more of a comfort or a source of heartache.

He'd never sat in it. Not once.

Reaching up, he spun the chair around so the opening was facing him and-

Just like he'd always pictured, Peter was sitting there, curled into a ball- his knees pressed against his chest, his cheek lightly smushed against the plush interior.

_ Losing Peter twice was apparently his breaking point, he'd officially lost it now. God, maybe he would finally have to give in to Pepper and go for therapy- _

But then Peter was blinking up at him sleepily, pausing for a moment before shooting forward, nearly face planting onto the deck. "Mr. Stark?" Peter said softly, looking up at him with wide brown eyes, the chains attached to the chair creaking as it swung back and forth from the momentum of Peter's exit.

_ A hallucination couldn't move the furniture. Which meant... _

"Peter?" His voice was barely a whisper, like if he was too loud the kid would disappear. And then Peter was in his arms, and Tony's cheek rested against his kid’s shoulder, sobs shaking his frame. "Peter-  _ Peter," _ was all he could choke out, almost unable to say anything else.

"Hey Mr. Stark," his kid's voice sounded just as wrecked, but the words were so quintessentially Peter, that it brought on a new wave of sobs.  _ "I'm sorry-" _

_ "Don't," _ Tony choked out, shaking his head slightly-  _ never  _ wanting to hear those accursed words come out of his kid’s mouth again.

_ "Ok," _ Peter said softly, instead choosing to hug Tony tighter, hoping the message got across.

After a moment, Tony pulled back, a dazed look on his face, taking in the sight of his kid standing right there in front of him, desperately hoping it was real- knowing full well that if he blinked and woke up back in his bed again he would lose his last bit of sanity. "Kid- you, you're here? Really here?"

"I mean, I think so. I should be," Peter replied softly, looking down at his hands as he twisted them around. 

"What do you mean,  _ should be?" _ Tony's heart jumping into his throat.

"Well I don't really know how the stones worked it out to be honest," Peter winced as he realized he just confirmed Tony's fear.

_ "Why," _ Was all the man could say, his voice shaky and broken in a way Peter had never heard before.

"You were gone- what else was I supposed to do?"

_ "Live," _ Tony said sharply, as he took a steadying inhale, turning to face the lake. "You were supposed to  _ live, _ because  _ that was the whole point. _ I invented time travel- and yeah, saving everyone would be great, but that's Cap's M.O. At the end of the day- I did what I did because I wanted to get  _ you _ back. Not everyone else.  _ You," _

"Tony- I know, Pepper told me-"

"Then  _ why _ Peter? All I wanted was for you to be  _ alive again, _ and then you spit in my face and sacrifice yourself for no reason?"

" _ No reason? _ Really Mr. Stark? You were dead- and you just expected me to  _ do nothing?"  _ Peter said incredulously, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Yes!" Tony ran a tired hand down his face. 

"The world needs you more than it needs me-"

_ "Don't you dare-" _

"No, I'm not taking that back because it's true- you have more people who need you-"

_ "I need you!" _ Tony yelled, his voice echoing across the water. "Do you have any idea what it was like to have to live with the fact that I was the one who got to come home- knowing there was no rhyme or reason, just that I ended up on the lucky side and you didn’t? To know that you died in my arms because I failed to do the one thing that was most important- keep you safe. God-  _ every day _ I would wake up and try to come up with something I hadn't done, something I hadn't thought of to try to get you back and...and there was just  _ nothing. _ You're the light of my life kiddo, and without you there, I almost couldn't handle it,"

"But you have Morgan now," Peter said softly, looking down at his shoes.

"And I don't think I would've kept on living without her, but that doesn't mean I still didn't miss you with everything I had," Tony said quietly. "It's been five years and I still couldn't get out of bed on your birthday. The first time Morgan got the flu- she tugged on my sleeve and told me 'I don't feel so good', and it sent me into a panic attack. We didn't have a funeral for you because if we did, I’d have to face the fact you were well and truly gone,” He took a steadying breath, Peter looking at him with guilt shining in his eyes. “There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of you kiddo. And I don't think I could've lived through that again, knowing you were really gone this time,"

"I know- I know you couldn't, I didn't want you to have to live through that," Peter said softly. "And you didn't, right? It worked?"

_ "You made it so we would forget you," _ Tony breathed, his heart clenching with pain.

"Pepper told me you did it all for me, and- I grew up without my Dad, and I watched May lose her husband- I wasn't going to be the reason why Morgan and Pepper had to live through that too," Peter explained, his voice wet with tears. "But I knew you'd feel guilty if you knew why you were back, so I asked the stones to make it seem like I never existed in the first place. And it worked right? You were ok?"

Tony pulled Peter into his arms, pressing a kiss to his kid's soft brown curls. "You're right- we didn't know, but when I remembered-," Tony's voice broke. "I didn't know how I was going to live with myself knowing  _ you died in my place," _

"Sorry I took so long- turns out it takes a lot of power for the stones to catapult me back here when they're in another dimension," Peter said softly, as Tony pulled back, hands still on his shoulders, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Another dimension?"

"Well the stones kind of like- spoke to me? And after I told them what I wanted, they said that because I was a good person or something they would allow me to come back if you managed to remember me even though they tampered with your mind. But turns out getting me back here after they were in another timeline made it so there was a little delay," Peter said sheepishly.

"You...the stones made a  _ bargain _ with you?"

"Well I didn't actually touch them- I could just hear this sort of energy coming off of them, so I tried to talk to them like I was meditating you know? And- well you know the rest. Probably better than I do actually. After I made my wish I just got really lightheaded and fell asleep,"

"It didn't hurt you?" Tony asked quietly, as if he was afraid to hear the answer.

"Nope- I didn't feel a thing, I promise," Peter replied, and he could almost see the weight lift off of Tony's shoulders.

"Thank god," he sighed, bringing Peter back in close to his chest. "Well now I can tell Strange we finally know why I crashed my own funeral in slippers,"

"Sorry about that," Peter said with a wince, "When the stones were in my head I guess I must've pictured our movie nights and they hung on to the outfit,"

Tony shook his head lightly, a smile pulling at his lips as he pressed a kiss to the crown of Peter's head. "I love you kiddo," His sleep deprived mind was too exhausted to filter out the words that had gone unsaid for far too long. Tony winced, awaiting Peter's reaction,

"I love you too Mr. Stark," Peter replied, like it was an absolute given, something he didn't even have to think about.

*********

Tony ran a gentle hand through Peter's hair, the teenager having to sit on his lap so they could both fit in the hanging chair. 

"So how did you end up sleeping on the porch?" He asked softly, a fond smile on his face.

"Well Pepper told Morgan that I couldn't come in! So I didn't want to call May so late and night, and I have no idea how to get back from the city from here- so I just figured I'd curl up and wait until morning,"

_ "Oh my god, _ Pepper thought she was talking about her imaginary friend," Tony said, a disbelieving look on his face.

"Morgan named her imaginary friend after me?"

"Well, Spider-Man stories are her favorite- so I guess the name stuck,"

"You...you tell her stories about me?" Peter’s voice was quiet and disbelieving. 

"All the time kiddo," Tony said, pressing a kiss to the top of Peter's head. "You saved me a lot of whining at bedtime- one mention of Spider-Man was all it took, and suddenly she was under the covers, teeth brushed and everything," Tony explained, twirling Peter's curls around his fingers. "I had to make sure she knew about her big brother,"

_ "Oh," _ Peter said, so much awe in one syllable. "Wow, that's-  _ thank you," _ Exhaustion was pulling at his mind, making him unable to express what he wanted to- so he hugged Tony tighter, hoping it got his emotions across- he'd find the right words tomorrow.

For a while the only noise was the rustling of the animals in the woods, and Tony had thought Peter must've fallen asleep when-

"You still have your flutter," Peter murmured, and it was only then did he notice that the teenager's head was in it's customary spot over his heart. "I missed it- it never let me forget that you weren't here anymore. I couldn't even pretend you were in another part of the house,"

"I'm sorry baby," The words rolled off his tongue from so many days with Morgan, but Peter didn't seem bothered, instead burrowing his head closer to Tony's heart.

_ "I missed you," _ his voice sounded so small, and Tony silently vowed that he wouldn't let anything pull his family apart again.

"I'm right here Petey, I'm right here.  _ Always," _

**Author's Note:**

> Fantasy writer I am not- I'm still not 100% happy with how I wrote the infinity stones "talking" to Peter, but after editing it like 50 times I figured this was as good as it was ever gonna get lol 
> 
> Also, fun fact: How Tony met Pepper's mom is almost verbatim to how I met one of my good friends' mom during my awful first year of college- I hurt myself running to class cause I didn't look where I was going, and my friend ended up having to come pick me up from the hospital with their mom in the car cause they swung by after leaving the airport. I was absolutely mortified lol 
> 
> I could really have a whole angst/whump series entirely consisting of things that actually happened to me during that year haha
> 
> But I hope you guys enjoyed! See you next time! :)


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